It’s a tricky question, but one that gets asked quite frequently. Who are my birth parents? Any adoptive parent will have to face this question eventually. Some face it before the child is even born; open adoptions are becoming more and more common, and the adoptive parents are already well acquainted with the birth parent or parents. But if this is not the case, then at some point, the child is very likely to want to find out about their biological family, and this is echoed by Dr. Sue Cornbluth, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Temple University.
“Open communication from the beginning of an adoption is the key to success,” she says. “As the adoptive parents, it is important to realize that there is a strong possibility that when your child reaches a certain age they will have questions about their identity and may want to seek out his/her birth parents.”
And naturally, the child may turn to social media to do just that.
Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter have helped many people, teens and adults, to locate their birth family. However, for your teen, it is important to be with them in the entire process of such a search; social media is not all honest or caring, and many searchers have found themselves scammed and broken-hearted as a result.
Beyond the actual searching, it’s important to remember a few other things that will help in the entire situation: Dr. Cornbluth suggests that the adoptive parents realize that it’s natural for their teen to want to search out the birth family, and to not take it personally. Be involved in the search, and wary of potential scammers. It is even wise to seek out a family counselor who specializes in adoption. The searching process may be long and emotional—or short and disappointing. No doubt, emotion will be involved. It is far better to get the feelings out in the open and keep the conversation going throughout the search.
Finding a birth parent is an emotional journey, no matter what age you are. If your teen is determined to find them, show your support as an ever-present example of your own love.